1. He should enhance your skin tone
2. Make you look thinner in photographs
3. His general style and aesthetic should complement your theme, color scheme, and ideally the texture of your linens.
Preposterous? From television shows depicting wedding dress shopping as a spiritual quest to walls of magazines dissecting and creating wedding details—this would be a logical conclusion. Is there one magazine or show discussing compatibility and relationship success?
The wedding and diet industries both sell fairytale moments, without warranties. Yet a Grimm’s Brother, not a Disney ending, produce repeat customers! Products concerning calories, carbs, fat grams, how and when to eat and exercise are like guest favors and matching shoes—profitable details. Alone, they can create fleeting moments of magic at best.
Wedding enthusiasts view weddings as the embodiment of the romance they desire from life and a partner. Similarly, many weight loss enthusiasts believe their goal weight will provide the life of happiness, ease, and beauty that they crave. And, there is a correlation between personal baggage and weight issues. But, weight loss doesn’t magically unpack baggage. Rather, women lose and sustain weight loss when they unpack their suitcases, discard useless items, repair and replace only the most necessary and fulfilling items, and then reorganize what remains to suit them.
I know this from my clients and personal experience. Throughout the wedding process, I continued to learn about my needs, myself and how to allow the two. I discovered I needed to slow down and make space for a more confident, feminine version of myself.
This resulted in a “wedding gift” of a 10-pound, 2-size weight loss, putting me back at my college weight, and the lowest of my adult life. Previously, I had arrived here by obsessing over calories, carbs, and exercise. I was afraid of food and terrified of gaining back the weight. I was unsure of who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. As these issues exploded after graduation, I ended up at my highest weight ever. But, later I gradually discovered who I was and what I wanted and pursued my ideal life. The pounds fell off without obsessing over calories or food. Food became fun, interesting and exciting— no longer a source of anxiety and torture. By unpacking my own baggage and discovering how I really wanted to arrange my life to nourish me, I no longer needed the assistance of food to bear this burden.
I brought these lessons with me to my wedding realizing that the validity of my relationship didn’t depend on the perfect execution of every detail. On my wedding day, I was repeatedly asked “How can you be so calm?” particularly in the midst of last-minute bridesmaid flight and hairdresser cancellations? Because I had an incredible relationship to formalize, a beautiful venue, the presence and health of our guests, and a sun-filled sky. Everything else was merely a flourish.
This “aha!” process is my favorite part of working with clients. As they uncover the true roots of their weight problem, they free the mental space previously imprisoned by carbs, calorie, and other diet shackles. They realize that these are not the true key to the body or the life they want. Clients tell me that their internal makeover of their life, emotions and understanding of themselves is more exciting than the thinner body that inevitably emerges from the process. And when they finally buy the wardrobe of their weight loss fantasies, it is like a wedding ceremony—a fun and celebratory flourish, no longer their raison d’être.
To a new understanding and a new stage,